We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
