What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Randomize
