I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
