I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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