I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
