Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
