So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
