No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
