Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
