Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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