Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
