we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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