So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
