Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
