How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
