remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
