So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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