and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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