So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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