VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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