I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You took a bar mat shot.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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