he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
