I puked a lego.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
