i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
