watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There r osticjed everywhere
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
