wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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