I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
