Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have fence marks all over my body
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
