My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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