dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
