dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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