Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
