I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
