Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
