apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
