Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So much rum. So many feels.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
