Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
