2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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