would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
