somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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