Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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