if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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