Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
