my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
