i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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