I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
