smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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