I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
