Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My dick has a subreddit
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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