He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
